Steven B. Zwickel, 2021
I have been thinking about what will happen when #45 passes away, and some of my imaginings are a bit unsettling, to say the least. He turned 75 in June, 2021, he’s in bad shape, physically and psychologically (banned from Twitter), so we have to consider what will happen when the inevitable comes to pass.
Two possible scenarios—the sudden and the lingering. If he collapses and dies quickly, it will take a while for the conspiracy theorists to come up with alternative realities, but I am sure they will come through. Needless to say, they will be helped by politicians of all flavors. Those farthest out on the right, in the region where Q-Anon and off-world beings dwell, will certainly claim that #45 was done in by a) antifa b) Pelosi c) Lyn Cheney or d) heavily armed critical race theorists.
Let me be the first to suggest that it was Melania, in the gold-plated bathroom, with a stiletto heel.
Of course, if he lingers, it will be much, much worse. The prayer vigils will begin immediately. The danger is that his base base will troop to Mar-a-Lago, with their guns and loads of ammo, ready to take out whoever they deem responsible for ending his life. They will camp out, getting angrier and less rational by the day. This could drag on for days until his bloated body, already weakened by the virus, slowly comes to an end. What happens after that? No one knows, but these folks have a history of violence, so anything is possible.
The reaction from the Republican politicians will be something to see. Save these quotes, because future generations will never believe this stuff. Can’t you hear Mitch McConnell telling the world that, “He’s not dead until I say he’s dead.”
Or Ophthalmologist/Ambitious Politician Rand Paul, “I’m a doctor and many of my patients were just as sick as he is and a few of them survived.”
Or Ron Johnson, “The Democrats want you to believe he’s dead, but we have a majority of 60 Republican medical examiners who will testify that he may not be.”
Kevin McCarthy, drifting even further away from reality, may decide to introduce legislation that would allow dead people to run for office.
There could be a mad scramble among Republicans to seize the mantle of the great man, each claiming to be the true heir. Republican primaries will be interesting, as they all try to out-Trump each other. Can’t you hear them, as they proclaim that they KNOW what he would want them to do.
If we are very, very lucky, a few will take this opportunity to free themselves from bondage, but don’t bet on that. They are so used to following orders, many believe that the Republicans can no longer think for themselves.
If the Democrats have any cleverness in them, they will salute the late president by saying, “President Trump’s legacy is that he made it clear to us that too many Americans feel left out and left behind. We hope all Americans will get behind us as we push for the new programs we are working on that will help rectify that situation.”
No matter how he goes, some loonies are sure to gather in Florida, believing that, after 3 days, he will surely come back to life, like you-know-who.
Others will allege that he never died at all, that he has gone into hiding (from the “witch hunt”) and that he will return when the coast is clear {Meanwhile, “Stand down and stand by!} “TRUMP SIGHTED LUNCHING WITH ELVIS”
The looniest of all will be the guy who claims to BE the man, having had some plastic surgery or some such nonsense. You will be able to see him on Fox News; he may even get his own show.
Can you see Putin proclaiming the loss of Russia’s greatest friend and offering to have him interred in the Kremlin? Ivanka will thank him and offer, instead, a lock of hair as a relic to be kept in St. Basil’s—after all, the man was a martyr and a saint, wasn’t he? Maybe Kim Jong-un will get jealous or angry or (fill in any psychopathological diagnosis here _______) and launch a nuclear-tipped missile to express his feelings about the death of his good buddy.
And then there’s the obituary problem. How do you write an obit for someone who spent his entire life promulgating one lie after another? I hope newspeople have been keeping track of this, because it’s going to be really difficult to pull together a truthful obit at the last minute.
The funeral possibilities are terrifying. Will they let him lie in state in the nation’s Capitol? Can you imagine the reaction to that proposal?
Where can they hold a funeral that won’t end in a shooting civil war? Imagine the cortege moving slowly down some broad avenue in Florida/Washington/Some other city. Those who hated him will stand on one side and those who worshipped him on the other. Passions will run high and there will be guns….
Yipes! I am not going.
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