Who Needs a Matchmaker?

 Who Needs a Matchmaker?

2022, Steven B. Zwickel

After many years of researching my family history, I found that I am descended from a long line of respectable people. I am very lucky to be the result of generations of men and women who withstood the pressures to abandon Judaism. Knowing that they were strong in the face of adversity makes me feel blessed. My “Ethnicity Estimate” according to My Heritage.com and based on my DNA is 

• 81.4% Ashkenazi Jewish (Central and Eastern Europe, including Poland and modern-day Ukraine)
• 10.9% Greek
• 4.8% Italian
• 2.2% Middle Eastern
• 0.7% Iberian

I can understand the origin of the Middle Eastern DNA; that’s where the Jewish people started out, so that makes sense. The .7% Iberian DNA probably came from someone fleeing Spain after the expulsion of the Jews in 1492. Some of those who left settled in Eastern Europe, so that makes sense.

The puzzle I am trying to unravel is how I came to have Greek and Italian ancestry. This fits with one theory about the origin of my family, that we are related to the Kalonymos family.1 The name Kalonymos is Greek and the family is first recorded  in Italy in the 700s. If I am a descendant of this family, then having Greek and Italian DNA makes sense. I am guessing that many, many centuries ago my ancestors married gentiles, probably because the supply of Jewish women was extremely limited.

It is curious, though, to think of my Jewish ancestors marrying non-Jewish women who must have converted to Judaism. Nowadays, intermarriage  is not at all unusual, but among observant and orthodox Jews it was, and is, still considered unacceptable. For at least the past 400 years, a match with a non-Jew, even a convert, would disqualify a potential mate from marrying a pious Jew whose family was concerned about yikhes (pedigree).2

Yikhes is the idea of increased social standing (and thus increased desirability as a potential mate) based on wealth (often the woman’s dowry), political power (either the man or the woman’s relatives), or being a great Jewish scholar (always the man). 

⟝I am repelled by the idea of choosing a husband or wife based upon pedigree. My grandmother actually said to me. "Steven, it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich girl." I ignored this advice, believing that "Love conquers all." I think most people fall in love and marry because they want to create something special together. But, is it possible for one's parents (who know you and who have many more years of life experience) to choose a better mate than you can? Does "love" cloud young people's vision? Do relationships work out better if the parents choose your spouse? Is it better to take a chance on marrying for love? If they don't choose a mate for you, how important is it for your parents to approve of your choice? What happens to people who deliberately choose someone their parents would never approve of? I have no answers, just questions.⟞

But I am also curious about how these matches were, and are, made. The Shadchen (Matchmaker) was extremely important in making these matches.3 I tried to find out more about the origins of the shadchen and had very little success. I wondered if there were matchmakers around in the Middle Ages, but no one seemed to know the answer. I asked a rabbi about the origin of shadchans and was told that they have always been around to make matches. When I asked for evidence or the name of an expert who could answer my questions, the rabbi drew a blank. 

This looks to me like some kind of economics problem of supply and demand. The smaller the pool of possible mates, the less important yichus is. As people prospered and the population grew, they could become fussier about whom their children married. At some "tipping point" yichus became more important than finding just anyone. And that's when you need a shadchen. 

From 66-73 CE and again in 132-135 CE the Jews in the Judea rebelled against Rome. These rebellions were crushed and the Jews exiled (or sold as slaves) to other parts of the Roman Empire. The Jewish communities in Italy, France, Spain, and other parts of the Empire were small and isolated. Most didn’t have a rabbi and few had copies of the Torah or Jewish prayer books. Over time, many of them were assimilated and lost all connection to Judaism. For many centuries, the Jewish population of Europe was very, very small. The Ashkenazi Jewish population began in western Germany with 25,000 people—smaller than many county seats in the USA. It wasn’t until the Late Middle Ages in 1400s, when Europe got an economic boost after the “Crisis of the Late Middle Ages” that the population started to grow.4

Before that, I don't think people had a lot of choices, so I am curious about whether they would have needed a shadchen.

  In the 1800s, especially as hygiene, sanitation, and nutrition enabled people to live longer and to live in cities, there were more potential matches. When there was a large selection of potential mates, I can see needing the help of a matchmaker to sort them out, especially if you are worried about yikhes. But in the tiny, poor communities where most Jews lived before 1800, there wasn't much to choose from. Therefore, I don’t think the shadchen has always been around. Rather, it is a fairly new invention, designed to cater to those who are status conscious.5

A good book with a series of stories about a small-town Jew trying to find a match for his daughters in the early 1800s is SY Agnon's The Bridal Canopy.6

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1  “Kalonymos” in Encycopedia Judaica <https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/kalonymus>

2 “Yikhes” Freeze, ChaeRan <https://yivoencyclopedia.org/article.aspx/Yikhes>

3  “Shadchen” Wein, Berel <https://www.rabbiwein.com/blog/the-shadchan-686.html>

4  Tuchman, Barbara A Distant Mirror: The Calamitous 14th Century

5  Snobs

6   If you know more about the origin and history of shadchens, please let me know.

The "Immaturing" of America {What can you say about a society that needs to offer adults classes in “adulting”?}

 The "Immaturing" of America

Steven B. Zwickel, 2019

What can you say about a society that needs to offer adults classes in “adulting”?

     I see a pattern emerging in America these days that I find troubling. To me it appears that Americans are becoming less mature, less competent, less prepared for the ups and downs of life. 

     We have an increase in an “on demand” culture that bespeaks an inability to delay gratification. Babies cry until someone picks them up, gives them food, pops a Nuk into their mouths, or they cry themselves out and fall asleep. It’s a hard lesson, but most parents learn that it isn’t possible or desirable to jump the moment the baby starts to bawl.

     As they grow up, children are taught to control their impulsive behaviors, primarily so that they learn to think before they act. We associate reckless, careless behavior with teenagers, who appear to be oblivious of the consequences. With maturity should come both caution and patience. 

     What we have today is a culture that craves instant gratification—live streaming and same-day delivery—enabling a lifestyle of putting things off until the last minute. People don’t plan or manage their time efficiently because they don’t have to. Self-centered adults see no reason why they should ever have to wait for anything. Like crying infants, they expect someone or something to come rushing in to solve their problems.

     Anyone who uses the Internet is aware of the American obsession with celebrity. It’s not even really an American thing—all over the world people are crying out online for attention—likes, “friends”, stars—just like a three-year old. You see them everywhere, taking Selfies and posting every little thing on Instagram so they can be famous. Well, famous for a few seconds until the next big thing comes along. 

     All these apps make a user the center of attention.

     The most disturbing trend is the culture of unfairness. Children learn that life is unfair and adults come to accept this as fact. But now we have a large sub-culture that whines endlessly.

     If you don’t like this article, I’m gonna tell my mom!

I don’t want to talk about it {The power of one simple phrase}

 I don’t want to talk about it

Steven B. Zwickel, 2022

During a stressful time in my life1, with a lot of major changes and decisions needing to be made, some people who were close to me kept asking me for information.

“What’s going on with _______?” 

“Have you decided on __________? 

“Do you know what you will be doing about ________?”

“How is ____________going?”

It seemed every conversation, every phone call, every interaction involved personal questions. They wanted to know everything and wanted me to share all the details. 

Now these people were well-meaning; they really cared about me and they were sincerely interested in how I was doing. But answering their questions truthfully was painful and caused me a great deal of anxiety. I felt that they deserved honest answers and had no way of responding that wouldn’t make me sound nasty and ungrateful.

I was depressed and anxious and I decided to start seeing a therapist. I got lucky this time; many of the therapists I’d seen in the past were clueless, incompetent, or ineffectual. This time was different. I found a man who was intelligent and insightful.

I explained how torn I was when people who cared about me asked questions I really didn’t want to answer. I was sure they meant well, but I felt pressured and stressed. He gave me the best advice I have ever been given: “Tell them you don’t want to talk about it, then don’t talk about it.”

He was spot on, of course. The problem was my failure to set boundaries—limits on what were acceptable topics that would protect me from intrusive prying.

Boundaries are important. If you read advice columnists2, you will see how frequently this becomes an issue3. Boundaries help us keep our private lives private, although there are some people who use social media to tell the whole world to know everything about them. 

Privacy matters. We need to know that we have a safe space where we can think our thoughts, whatever they may be, without being judged. If you let people trespass and cross your boundaries, you can feel infringed upon, feel your privacy invaded, and you may get angry and upset. Sadly, unless you have a good therapist, you may never know why you feel that way.

It’s very hard to set boundaries if you never have done so. New boundaries will change the nature of the relationship and, depending on how other people react to your “new rules”, setting boundaries can actually end the relationship. 

Talk to a good therapist before you decide to set boundaries. Decide how much you want to share with other people before you tell them, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

-----------------------

1 The circumstances are none of your business and I don’t want to talk about it.

2 Examples: “Ask Amy” by Amy Dickinson, “Carolyn Hax” (“ Tell Me About It”) by Carolyn Hanley Hax , “Miss Manners” by Judith Martin , “Love Letters” by Meredith Goldstein, and “Dear Abby” now written by Jeanne Phillips.

3  These questions are often related to  the millions of “rules” regarding wedding etiquette.

4  I suggest starting with “I don’t want to talk about it.” very politely and firmly. If the other party asks “Why not?” your answer should be “Because I don’t want to talk about it.” You do not owe anyone an explanation, so be firm. If it escalates, you could try, “Because it is none of your business,” but that is kind of rude. As a last resort, say nothing. Silence is powerful, so use it with care, but it may stop  intrusive questioning.

This is What Happened When I Asked for Help {"Chatting" with the phone company}

 AT&T Company ‘Chat’ Transcript

On June 17, 2022, I contacted our phone and internet provider AT&T, using the “Chat” feature on their website, to request help getting service restored after a windstorm knocked down the lines. 

We didn't actually chat; I typed in a message and they responded (or they sent me a canned response).

My typed messages are in black; the typed responses  of the customer service reps are in color. This is a transcript of that 69-minute chat.

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Reference Number: 16554796806762538 DATE/TIME: 2022-06-17 10:26:47

*Your chat transcript:*

Good morning!

💻 >>>>>>>>>>Friday 10:26 AM CDT<<<<<<<<<<<< 💻 

[AT&T] : Hi, I'm your AT&T automated assistant. How can I help you today?

[Me] : Phone service (and power) at XXX W___ , Madison,  went out the afternoon of Monday, June 13, 2022. We called AT&T on Monday to report the outage. Now it has been four days and there has been no sign of an ATT&T repair crew.

The residents are both over 70 years old and one of us is disabled. The cell phone we were using died, so we have no way of communicating, except using this Chat on-line (at the public library)

[AT&T] : Sorry, I didn’t understand that. Could you ask your question again with fewer words? You can ask follow-up questions later, if you want.

 Tip : You can say things like "How much is my bill?" or "I lost my phone."

[Me] : Where is the AT&T repair crew?

[AT&T] : So I can get you the right info, what service are you asking about?

 - AT&T Internet

 - AT&T Digital Phone

[Me] : Repair downed phone lines

[AT&T] : So I can get you the right info, what service are you asking about?

 - AT&T Internet

 - AT&T Digital Phone

[Me] : WE HAVE NO PHONE SERVICE

[AT&T] : So I can get you the right info, what service are you asking about?

 - AT&T Internet

 - AT&T Digital Phone

[Me] : PHONE

[AT&T] : So I can get you the right info, what service are you asking about?

 - AT&T Internet

 - AT&T Digital Phone

[Me] : AT&T Internet

[AT&T] : Choose a topic to chat about:

 - Billing, usage, plans & equipment setup

 - Payments

 - Shopping

 - Order status

 - Moving or changing service

 - Troubleshooting & repairs

 - Sign-in help

[Me] : Troubleshooting & repairs

[AT&T] : Let me try connecting you with someone who can get you the help you need.

***Connected to live agent***

***Naomi is here to help!***

[Naomi] : ​Thank you for contacting AT&T! My name is Naomi. I'm happy to help you today

[Naomi] : Hello Steven

[Me] : Phone service (and power) at XXX W___ , Madison 53711 went out the afternoon of Monday, June 13, 2022. We called AT&T on Monday to report the outage. NowiIt has been four days and there has been no sign of an ATT&T repair crew. The residents are both over 70 years old and one of us is disabled. The cell phone we were using died, so we have no way of communicating, except using this Chat on-line (at the public library)

[Naomi] : I completely udnerstand your concern

[Naomi] : No worries I will help you

[Me] : When can we expect a repair crew?

[Naomi] : Not to worry here the best thing I can do is I will quickly involve our technical specialist on chat to check this for you right away, is that fine for you?

[Me] : Yes

[Naomi] : Thank you for confirming

[Naomi] : Please do not disconnect the chat you will get connected soon

[Me] : OK

***Naomi transferred chat to Amaal***

***Amaal's here to help!***

[Amaal] : hello.

[Me] : Amaal, when can we expect someone to repair our downed phone lines? The windstorm on Monday, June 13 tore down trees, which pulled down the phone lines from the pole. The trees have been removed and electrical power was restored.

[Amaal] : Hi Steven!  My name is Amaal.  I'm happy to help.

[Amaal] : I understand how frustrating it can be to have no phone service at home. I apologize for any inconvenience this has caused you, and I can help you with that!

[Amaal] : Please do not worry, I own this case now and I will take care everything for you.

[Me] : So, when will you have a repair crew out here?

[Amaal] : Let me get the earliest available slot for you.

[Amaal] : Just to confirm, May I know the affected phone number?

[Me] : 608 XXX-XXXX

[Amaal] : Thank you.

[Amaal] : Apart from this, I just want to ask are all of your computers and devices able to connect to the Internet?​​ ​

[Me] : NO. We have no landline or internet service.

[Amaal] : Thanks for the info!

[Amaal] : Please do not worry. I will schedule the technician and completely resolve the issue for you.

[Me] : We need to go shopping for all the groceries we had to throw away and then we need to start cleaning up the huge mess that the storm created. The more precise you can be about when the repair people will be here, the better we can plan our time. That's why we need to know when you will have a repair crew out here.

[Amaal] : Sure, I am checking for the earliest avaialble slot.

[Amaal] : May I know the best alternate number to reach you?

[Me] : You have no way of contacting us. The cell phone we were using died, so we have no way of communicating, except using this Chat on-line (at the public library)

[Amaal] : Please do not worry, Since the all service is down , I will quickly schedule the technician and completely resolve the issue for you.

[Me] : Since you have no way of contacting us, how will we know when the crew is ready to fix our lines? Should I sit here in the library until you can tell us?

[Amaal] : Please do not worry, I had added valid notes in your account about the contacting issue.

[Amaal] : The technician will completely resolve the issue for you.

[Amaal] : I am checking for the earliest avaialble time slots , please allow me once more minute.

[Me] : I am waiting

[Amaal] : I am working with my tools to schedule, its taking longer that usual.

[Amaal] : I am really sorry.

[Amaal] : Steven , I can dispatch a technician to resolve this issue. There is no charge for the technician visit if the trouble is found in the AT&T network or equipment. If the problem is found inside your premises and the technician fixes your issue, you will be charged a $99 flat rate for the repair. However, any charges will be discussed by the technician.

[Me] : Fine. So, when will you have a repair crew out here?

[Amaal] : I could see that the earliest available slot is on WED JUN 22 between 12:00 PM - 4:00 PM.

[Amaal] : Shall I book the slot?

[Me] : NOT ACCEPTABLE. We called right after the line was pulled down on Monday. Didn't anyone record our initial contact with AT&T on Monday, June 13? If so, why haven't we seen any sign of AT&T around our house? If not, why not?

[Amaal] : In this case ,I will transfer the chat to my supervisor to assist you further

***Amaal transferred chat to Sanjay***

***Sanjay's here to help!***

[Sanjay] : Hi! My name is Sanjay. I'm happy to help! Let's get started

[Sanjay] : As I checked the details, I could see that the earliest time slot is on Wednesday( June 22) between 12pm to 4pm

[Sanjay] : Can I reserve it for you?

[Me] : NOT ACCEPTABLE. We called right after the line was pulled down on Monday. Didn't anyone record our initial contact with AT&T on Monday, June 13? If so, why haven't we seen any sign of AT&T around our house? If not, why not? We are very tired of waiting for a response. This is poor customer service. 

[Sanjay] : I am really sorry and we do not have any earliest time slot available, I will add the notes and in case if there is any earliest time slot we will inform you

[Sanjay] : Would that be okay for you?

[Me] : You have no way of contacting us. The cell phone we were using died, so we have no way of communicating, except using this Chat on-line (at the public library)

[Sanjay] : I am really sorry and we have slot available on on Wednesday( June 22) between 12pm to 4pm

[Sanjay] : Can I reserve it for you?

[Me] : NO Please turn this over to someone with more authority.

[Sanjay] : I am really sorry and in this case we need to check with the loyalty team and I would request you to call the dedicated team on this number to fix the issue 18002882020

[Sanjay] : Just checking to see if you are there so we can continue.

[Me] : WE HAVE NO PHONE!  We have NO phone service and the cell phone we were using died, so we have no way of communicating, except using this Chat on-line (at the public library) Is this not clear? WE CAN"T CALL YOU or anyone else until you get someone over here to fix the phone lines. 

[Sanjay] : I really understand your concern and we have time slot available only on June 22 between 12pm to 4pm

[Sanjay] : Can I reserve it for you?

[Me] : NO - PLEASE TRANSFER THIS CHAT TO YOUR SUPERVISOR

[Sanjay] : I am one of the supervisor and I have tried to get an earliest time slot, unfortunately the slot is no earliest time slot available 

[Me] : TRY HARDER

[Sanjay] : I am really sorry and we do not have a earliest time slot as of now

[Sanjay] : You can also check later in myatt app to get an earliest time slot

[Me] : You need to move us up to the top of the list.. We called right after the line was pulled down on Monday. Didn't anyone record our initial contact with AT&T on Monday, June 13? 

[Sanjay] : I am really sorry for this and I have tried to get an earliest time slot and unfortunately we do not have a earliest time slot available

[Me] : If I have to travel back to the library to use their wi-fi to contact you, it seems like it would be a better use of my time to  contact a different phone service.

[Sanjay] : Alright and in case if there is any earliest time slot we will notify you, let me reserve the June 22 between 12pm to 4pm time slot for you

[Sanjay] : Would that be okay for you?

[Me] : You didn’t answer my question about whether anyone recorded our initial contact with AT&T on Monday, June 13.

[Sanjay] : Alright and I can see the details and since there is an issue with a connection we need to schedule a technician

[Me] : Good idea. And remember, WE DO NOT have a phone, so you CAN'T CONTACT US.

[Sanjay] : Let me reserve the June 22 between 12pm to 4pm time

[Sanjay] : And in case if there is any earliest time slot you will be notified

[Sanjay] : Please make sure all AT&T equipment is accessible to do repairs. Our technician will not move any furniture. 

[Sanjay] : An adult 18 years of age or older must be on-site for the duration of your Service Call and reachable on the day of the service call. 

[Sanjay] : Ensure all pets are secured while the technician is present. 

[Sanjay] : Ensure all pets are secured while the technician is present. 

[Sanjay] : A text message will be sent to the all AT&T customers with the status of the appointment. You can reply to the TEXT with HELP and the text will be answered by our live agent which would reduce your need for call back. 

[Sanjay] : You can just note down the link to track the tech on the appointment date. The link you can use is : https://www.att.com/global-search/search?q=track+technician&autoSuggest=true 

[Sanjay] : Is there anything else I can assist you with?

[Sanjay] : May I know the best number to reach you

[Me] : HOW CAN I EXPLAIN THIS?******WE HAVE NO PHONE! *****We have NO phone service and the cell phone we were using died, so we have no way of communicating, except using this Chat on-line (at the public library) Is this not clear? WE CAN'T CALL YOU or anyone else until you get someone over here to fix the phone lines. NO WAY YOU CONTACT US. Get it?

[Sanjay] : I am really sorry and I understand your concern, unfortunately we do not have a earliest time slot available

[Sanjay] : I would request you to wait for the technician to come and fix the issue

[Me] : I think I need to CHAT WITH YOUR SUPERVISOR, NOW

[Sanjay] : I am really sorry and I am one of the floor supervisor and we have got the earliest time slot for you

[Sanjay] : We have June 19 between 12pm to 4pm time

[Sanjay] : That is the earliest time slot we have, can I reserve it for you?

[Me] : You have a supervisor. Please transfer this chat to your boss, now.

[Sanjay] : I am really sorry and I am the end point of this chat and I am one of the floor supervisor

[Me] : This is nonsense, but go ahead and reserve Sunday June 19 between 12pm to 4pm Central Daylight Time.

[Sanjay] : Alright and let me reserve the time slot for you

[Sanjay] : Please make sure all AT&T equipment is accessible to do repairs. Our technician will not move any furniture. 

[Sanjay] : An adult 18 years of age or older must be on-site for the duration of your Service Call and reachable on the day of the service call. 

[Sanjay] : Ensure all pets are secured while the technician is present. 

[Sanjay] : A text message will be sent to the all AT&T customers with the status of the appointment. You can reply to the TEXT with HELP and the text will be answered by our live agent which would reduce your need for call back. 

[Sanjay] : You can just note down the link to track the tech on the appointment date. The link you can use is : https://www.att.com/global-search/search?q=track+technician&autoSuggest=true 

[Sanjay] : Is there anything else I can assist you with?

[Sanjay] : Thank you for choosing AT&T. We appreciate your business!

***Sanjay left the chat***

__________________________________________

Bye for now! We hope we helped.

[Me] : You are going to send a text to a landline phone? You want us to track the tech online using a computer that has no internet connection?

***Sanjay left the chat***

>>>>>>>>>Friday 11:35 AM CDT<<<<<<<<<<

_________________________________________

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2022 AT&T Intellectual Property. All rights reserved.

AT&T and Globe logo are registered trademarks of AT&T Intellectual Property.

📞 EPILOGUE: Six days after the storm, an AT&T repair person arrived on Fathers Day, Sunday, June 19 and repaired the broken phone line in about 40 minutes.

This Scares Me

2022, Steven B. Zwickel

The photos of Putin greeting the Ayatollah sent a shiver down my spine.

I can see what Putin gets from befriending Iran—an ally in his war against Western culture. The Iranian government has cracked down on Western art, entertainment, news media, and ideas like democracy, sexual equality and freedom of speech. That’s what Putin wants to do, too.

But what does Iran get from being Putin’s pal? They don’t need Russian gas or oil; they have plenty of their own. What does Putin have that the Iranians want? Could it be Russian nuclear warheads and missiles capable of reaching the US?

Now a much stronger shiver is running down my spine.

Becoming a Teacher {…was never my intent}

 Becoming a Teacher

Steven B. Zwickel

October, 2021

At the end of 2019, I retired from teaching at the University of Wisconsin after 28 years. It wasn't my first teaching job. Before that I had been an Adjunct Professor at the Madison campuses of Upper Iowa University,  Concordia University , and Cardinal Stritch University. I taught adult ed courses for Edgewood College, the State of Wisconsin, UW Minicourses, and many other places. By the time I began teaching at U.W–Madison, I already had a lot of experience. I just didn’t plan on  becoming a teacher.

When I was 12, I swore I would never become a teacher. Both my parents were schoolteachers and I loathed their endless writing and grading of quizzes and cranking out lesson plans; the stacks of papers waiting to be graded that seemed to have a permanent home on our dining room table, and the dark winter nights when my parents came home exhausted from having to attend in-service training sessions after a whole day of teaching. 

I promised myself that my dining room table would remain bare and beautiful when I grew up. I broke my promise and for many years my table groaned from the weight of papers needing grading, textbooks, and rubrics for all my courses.

In 1992 I had the misfortune of being laid off during an economic recession. My unemployment benefits were extended, but I really needed to find a job as quickly as I could. That’s why, when the UW advertised for someone to teach a technical presentations course, I jumped at the chance. While it was a new topic for me, my natural chutzpah kicked in and I blew them away in the interview. A few months into the semester, the Program Director needed someone to take over the technical writing course. One thing led to another and within a year I was teaching undergraduates full time. And that is how I became an educator.

I loved teaching and I was very good at it. I had good rapport with my students, even though I was teaching required courses that they didn’t like having to take and didn’t value very much. I taught communication courses in the College of Engineering, where math and science acumen is acclaimed and writing and speaking skills are not always accorded equal respect. All through their education, students who went into engineering got a lot of positive reinforcement for their math and science skills; no one ever told them they were good at writing or speaking. 

Grading was tough—grade inflation made it hard to give them the Cs that many of them deserved. Motivating them to work at their communication skills was also difficult until I found the key. If I could impress them with my expertise and the breadth of my knowledge (depth was not an issue, since I have no background in engineering and did very poorly in math after high school), then I could get them to a point where they wanted to please me, to show me how smart they were and how well they could learn the skills of good writing and speaking. Not every student was won over, but it happened often enough that I felt justified in giving them good grades for their work.

I enjoyed my job, but I couldn’t understand why someone who was so set against having a teaching career, would become a teacher. Then I had a conversation that gave me a new perspective.

One of my students invited me to be her “honored guest” at a student-faculty dinner. We were seated with another professor and student and started making small talk. The other professor told me he taught an introductory course in genetics and one of the students in that class had invited him to the dinner. We talked about teaching undergraduates and how hard it was, sometimes, to reach them. 

I asked him how he’d gotten into teaching and learned that he’d followed the usual path, from Teaching Assistant while working on his Ph D to taking on other assignments once he was hired as a professor. 

I told him my story and then I asked him, “Is there some kind of “teaching gene” that brought me into this career?”

He laughed. “No, there is no such thing as a teaching gene. However, there has been some research into what might be an inherited tendency to enjoy watching other people learn. You may have inherited that from your parents.”

That was great for me to hear. I loved it when my students did well. I used to do a little celebratory dance when I gave an A for great work. And I know I got a terrific thrill from that “aha” moment when one of my students “got it”—understood that the lesson wasn’t just about the moment, but had broader applications to the wider world as well. For me, teaching was not just about helping my students acquire academic skills; it was preparing them for lifelong involvement in learning and contributing to the community. I have no doubts about the value of what I did; my students who went on to work in business and industry frequently told me that they apply the lessons learned in my classes just about every day. 

And I learned a heck of a lot from them, too.

What to Wear to the Trump Funeral

Steven B. Zwickel, 2021

I have been thinking about what will happen when #45 passes away, and some of my imaginings are a bit unsettling, to say the least. He turned 75 in June, 2021, he’s in bad shape, physically and psychologically (banned from Twitter), so we have to consider what will happen when the inevitable comes to pass.

       Two possible scenarios—the sudden and the lingering. If he collapses and dies quickly, it will take a while for the conspiracy theorists to come up with alternative realities, but I am sure they will come through. Needless to say, they will be helped by politicians of all flavors. Those farthest out on the right, in the region where Q-Anon and off-world beings dwell, will certainly claim that #45 was done in by a) antifa b) Pelosi c) Lyn Cheney or d) heavily armed critical race theorists. 

Let me be the first to suggest that it was Melania, in the gold-plated bathroom, with a stiletto heel.

       Of course, if he lingers, it will be much, much worse. The prayer vigils will begin immediately. The danger is that his base base will troop to Mar-a-Lago, with their guns and loads of ammo, ready to take out whoever they deem responsible for ending his life. They will camp out, getting angrier and less rational by the day. This could drag on for days until his bloated body, already weakened by the virus, slowly comes to an end. What happens after that? No one knows, but these folks have a history of violence, so anything is possible.

       The reaction from the Republican politicians will be something to see. Save these quotes, because future generations will never believe this stuff. Can’t you hear Mitch McConnell telling the world that, “He’s not dead until I say he’s dead.” 

Or Ophthalmologist/Ambitious Politician Rand Paul, “I’m a doctor and many of my patients were just as sick as he is and a few of them survived.” 

Or Ron Johnson, “The Democrats want you to believe he’s dead, but we have a majority of 60 Republican medical examiners who will testify that he may not be.”

       Kevin McCarthy, drifting even further away from reality, may decide to introduce legislation that would allow dead people to run for office.

       There could be a mad scramble among Republicans to seize the mantle of the great man, each claiming to be the true heir. Republican primaries will be interesting, as they all try to out-Trump each other. Can’t you hear them, as they proclaim that they KNOW what he would want them to do. 

If we are very, very lucky, a few will take this opportunity to free themselves from bondage, but don’t bet on that. They are so used to following orders, many believe that the Republicans  can no longer think for themselves.

       If the Democrats have any cleverness in them, they will salute the late president by saying, “President Trump’s legacy is that he made it clear to us that too many Americans feel left out and left behind. We hope all Americans will get behind us as we push for the new programs we are working on that will help rectify that situation.”

       No matter how he goes, some loonies are sure to gather in Florida, believing that, after 3 days, he will surely come back to life, like you-know-who. 

       Others will allege that he never died at all, that he has gone into hiding (from the “witch hunt”) and that he will return when the coast is clear {Meanwhile, “Stand down and stand by!} “TRUMP SIGHTED LUNCHING WITH ELVIS”

       The looniest of all will be the guy who claims to BE the man, having had some plastic surgery or some such nonsense. You will be able to see him on Fox News; he may even get his own show.

       Can you see Putin proclaiming the loss of Russia’s greatest friend and offering to have him interred in the Kremlin? Ivanka will thank him and offer, instead, a lock of hair as a relic to be kept in St. Basil’s—after all, the man was a martyr and a saint, wasn’t he? Maybe Kim Jong-un will get jealous or angry or (fill in any psychopathological diagnosis here _______) and launch a nuclear-tipped missile to express his feelings about the death of his good buddy.

       And then there’s the obituary problem. How do you write an obit for someone who spent his entire life promulgating one lie after another? I hope newspeople have been keeping track of this, because it’s going to be really difficult to pull together a truthful obit at the last minute.

       The funeral possibilities are terrifying. Will they let him lie in state in the nation’s Capitol? Can you imagine the reaction to that proposal? 

       Where can they hold a funeral that won’t end in a shooting civil war? Imagine the cortege moving slowly down some broad avenue in Florida/Washington/Some other city.  Those who hated him will stand on one side and those who worshipped him on the other. Passions will run high and there will be guns…. 

       Yipes! I am not going.